What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 17:19
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Have you ever been physically attacked by a demon?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
What kind of lights would you like to use for your home decor?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
What are the reasons why am I so tired before my period?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
What should I expect after a BBL surgery?
Comes on , in middle age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was seconnd youngest,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Can you share summer photos? Day 8
She wouldn,t have been !
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
How much stronger is an average man than an average woman?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?
Ive learnt so much.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Is it painful for men to wear bras, panties, and tampons?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
I said to her
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It was going to be , some day.
Put me off passion for life!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I could never make a relationship work though!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
I write beautiful poetry .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Especially a lifetime of it.
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was very sick at this time too.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I waited trembling.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He knew the spot.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
This is soul school!.
And i lived it daily.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I will be 64.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was 9 years of age.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I think the readers, may guess!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She married twice! .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was in good health!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot live in the past .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My life is so biszare .
All the time i was locked up.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Would this be the day?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Who then, do I blame.?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
What did i know ?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We all went to grammer schools
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.